I recently blew $50 I barely had for the Bisons/BPO game this evening, thinking number one son and I could go, see the game, hear the music and enjoy some fireworks. I know costume characters still freak him at age 11, but I figured it was innocuous enough where the seats were that we could have some fun.
He showed up at my door upset and in near tears at the thought of having to go. I want to do stuff other than hang around my apartment and it almost looked like we had a decent night for doing it, but he finally told me that he “doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to go.”
I know the Bisons are bad, but geesh. I’m okay with him not wanting to go if he doesn’t enjoy it. He doesn’t have to like everything I like. I guess that would be cause for worry if he did. He is becoming an individual and I think I need to give him some space to find his voice. What kind of Dad would I be to shove him into something just because I find some moments of peace at the ballpark. The price of the tickets was a hard thing to swallow. The threat of rain today succeeded in making the game scalper proof. So, it’s only money. I know ultimately he and I are cool, I guess I thought I had something another avenue of shared experience, something that is ours. He’s asleep in the other room as I write this. His sisters are a challenge and I think he looks at my place in kind of a sanctuary sort of way. With the ages the kids are, things a little more specialized. With one pretty much an adult, and another at that fractious age of 14, the days of universal experience are pretty much over.
And I’m used to that. Quality time has always been more important than quantity. I’d rather laugh around a dinner table periodically than cram them all into a space where they would be resenting it.
I guess I’m feeling the side effects of building something up too high in my own mind. We hit the movies pretty regularly, but I was anxious for some guy time, fresh air, a pretzel, watching grown men try way too hard to catch a foul ball. To know that he didn’t want to hurt. I told him that he needs to tell me before I go off and buy tickets for stuff, because once we buy, we’re committed. He apologized and we did pig out of some of Just Pizza’s finest and I took a nice nap after that, but something felt a little empty.
I was looking forward to it. I love my job but events there necessitated that I work late while my dad stepped in to take him to the recent “Walking with Dinosaurs” show. That made me real depressed while I worked my event. I don’t get a chance to show off that often and I guess it feels like one slipped away again.
Only a game.