Your Duck is Dead


A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything.  He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the  room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s

owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his  front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill.

“$900!” she cried, “$900 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $900.”

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Rock and Roll Never Forgets


One of the cultural touchstones of my high school years was the weekend in 1980 when Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band played the Aud shortly after school started. They came and sold out three nights in the Aud. Nobody had ever done that before. You had to get the shirt in those days, They were all over $8 and you had to sport it the next day at school

I was thinking about that as I’m set to check in with Mr. Seger when he plays Saturday Night at the HSBC Arena. At a little more that 30 years, it is the longest gap in seeing an act for me for the second time and made me reflect on the differences in concert going.

I went to the Saturday night Seger show after a group of friends and i pooled our money at the then outrageous price of $9.00 each and connected up at the National Record Mart in Eastern Hills Mall. You either went there or to 210 Delaware depending on who was presenting the show.  As there was no online, there was no pre-sales, no fan clubs, just show up, pay your money and you take the ticket that was available. The net effect of this was it caused the minimum wage earning employees of the record store to act like it was they who were special. WE were the ones goin to the show there, biznitch!

For our troubles, we were able to park in the Aud’s main lot (where the Baseball Stadium of many names now stands), where every car top seemingly displayed a case of Miller High Life. Our seats were in the very last row of the oranges, about as high and as far away as you could be and still be in the building, but you were in the building, man!

So, a lot has changed in the intervening years, especially the cost to get in the building. Recent pictures of Bob look like a hybrid of Grizzly Adams and Kenny Rogers, but then again dark nrown is a color my own hair is not. By the same token, I’m looking forward to hearing a few things that haven’t been radio staples as Mr. Seger has never lost his place on the rock radio playlists.

It will just be nice to hear them in person, after all, it’s been a long wait. And yeah, I bought the shirt then. My history teacher spent class on Monday talking about the show to us attendees. A cool kid, oh, so, briefly.