T’was only a matter of time.
Category: Web humor
A Glass of Wine
This popped into my in-box this morning, and I share in the spirit of “Happy Monday,” happy that it is almost done.
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand:
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli , (E. Coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words , we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or rum , whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling , filtering and fermenting.
Water = Poop
Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of Shit.
Finkelstein & Jesus
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.
After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.
So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on — and it was a perfect fit!
He asked how much he owed.
Finkelstein brushed him off: “No, no, no, for the Son of God there’s no charge!
However, may I ask for a small favor. Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?”
Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever he spoke to the masses.
A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem he happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes.
He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: “Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business!
Would you consider a partnership?”
“Certainly,” replied Jesus.
“Jesus & Finkelstein it is.”
“Oh, no, no,” said Finkelstein.
“Finkelstein & Jesus..
After all, I am the craftsman.”
The two of them debated this for some time.
Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful — and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.
A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop:
Cops is filmed on location
And now for something completely different
Horton hears a brew
as seen on Mashable this morning.
I believe it was either Thing 1 or Thing 2 who noted that when you were out of Bud, Tough Schlitz
(actually Cheech and Chong)
The Italian Tomato Garden
The Italian Tomato Garden
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult
work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a
letter to his son and described his predicament:
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year.
I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would
be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
I salute the fine geeks behind this creation.
It’s the posing with the frozen Han Solo that makes it art for me.
Gospel for 90s kids
I Don’t Feel Stupid Anymore
I Don’t Feel Stupid Anymore – (this is from a lovely friend of mine, and has made the rounds on the internet, but it made me laugh…so I share, I’m that type of guy)
Now that’s a lineman!!
AND MY FAVORITE
â€|â€|â€|.and as soon as this happens……… Retire with dignity…….